Thursday, February 12, 2009

Beware of Microtrends: Two Waists

Some members of the animal kingdom may have multiple sets of things: breasts, limbs, eyes. As humans, however, we tend to have one or two of each—at the most. And when it comes to waists, it would behoove us to have a single, solitary version of that. Unfortunately, I've been noticing something lately. It's not a pandemic, nor is it even an epidemic. It's barely a trend, but I've witnessed enough instances to be worried. My purpose is not to alarm anyone, but I think it's in our best interests to be cognizant of bad trends so we're able to shut them down collectively.

Since the summer I've been noticing women belting their Empire dresses. It's the most peculiar sartorial defect since the muffin top. An Empire dress, by default, has a waist that's directly underneath the bosom. This style dutifully conceals bloating, weight gain, and lunch at Pizzeria Uno. The built-in waist gives the woman wearing the dress (or blouse in some cases) the opportunity to forget about a belt and let it all hang out. Why anyone would add another waist to this style is perplexing. It's akin to sewing an extra leg into your trousers, another collar on your shirt, or an extra seat in your jeans. It's redundant and unflattering.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the women committing this egregious act suffer from the Sex and the City Effect. They're taking fashion risks that end up falling with a big, dull thud. Not only is this dreadful trend a waste of resources because it prohibits the Empire waist from doing its job; but the wearer is creating a slovenly, sloppy gut for herself when the belt is worn low. Come on people. We need to do better!

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