Saturday, November 1, 2008

7 Deadly Style Therapy Sins: Men's Shoes

Men, men, men. The following shoes should never be a part of most men's wardrobes. If you insist on playing the iconoclast, operate these shoes with great caution.

1. Church (or temple) loafers: Your first introduction to these shoes came in Junior High when you had to join the Boys' Chorus for an art credit. The time has come to bid them adieu. You're a sophisticated man now, and your shoes should reflect that.

2. Rugged boots: I was recently watching an old episode of 90210 from the third season. Everyone seems to be wearing similar boots made for tough terrain. But if you're not doing hard labor, walking in ice/snow, or climbing a mountain, these seem slightly specious.

3. Gangsta Lean Shoes: The original man these shoes were made for was quite the peacock in his day. However, his day was well over 30 years ago and he thought he could give Billy Dee Williams a run for his money. Now he walks with a cane, and not for affect like he did back in the day. Now he needs it for his hip replacement.

4. Cowboy boots: In a similar vein to the outdoor boots, these seem inauthentic if you're not herding cattle, riding in a rodeo, boot scootin' boogyin, or blazing your way up the Billboard Country charts.

5. Cha chas: During my senior year at university, I took a ballroom dance class for my PE credit. Our professor was a lovely man from Cuba who commanded the dance floor. He had tiny feet and he wore traditional ballroom dance shoes with a heel. If you're a professional or like to dabble in weekly class, owning these aren't up for discussion. However, if these are your work shoes that you wear to your regular 9:00-5:00, you have some 'splaining to do.

6. Platform boots: For some foolish reason I was under the impression that these were a dying fad. At the turn of this century, they disappeared for a minute; but they've come back full force with a vengeance. Unless you're of the deep, dark sacrificing variety (or you just want to appear that you are), leave these alone. For my friends who are vertically challenged, no one knows you're wearing lifts until you remove them.

7. Dad shoes: These are strictly for those born before 1960 who have at least one child. For this man, these shoes are traditional and agreeable. He's not hurting anyone. If you're young enough to have a father that fits this criteria and these are in your closet, please make an appointment with me (

8. *BONUS* College dude shoes: The guy who wears these also thinks wearing an Abercrombie shirt untucked with wrinkle khakis and a sweater vest is dressing up. Leave these at the frat house...where they belong.

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