New Service: Star Style Guide

Hello Beautiful People!

If there's one thing I love as much as fashion and art, it's astrology. I believe it's a marvelous way for us to discover the very essence of who we are objectively. The best way to figure this out is to know our birth chart (also known as natal chart). This tells us every aspect of our personality: who we are in public and private, our role at work, how we deal with romantic and platonic relationships; etc. We can't be our best selves if we haven't the slightest clue who we are.

Which brings us to Style Therapy. As I've stressed, my mission with Style Therapy is teach wardrobe efficiency and effective non-verbal communication through dress. If you're unaware of who you are, you can't possibly be dressing with yourself in mind. That's why I've launched a new service for the more evolved of you out there.

With your Star Style Guide you'll receive an in-depth analysis of your birth chart that includes what I think you should be wearing to maximize sartorial synergy. My Virgos should not be walking around dressed like Aquarians. And my Scorpios should not be shopping in the same manner a Gemini would. All twelve signs are different, but when we delve much deeper and discover all the aspects included in our birth charts, we'll look at ourselves in a new light and adjust our wardrobes and shopping habits to suit ourselves.

The steps are quite easy:

1. E-mail me at simone@swstyletherapy.com with your date of birth, place of birth (include city, state/country so I know the time zone), and time of birth (as close as possible—no worries if you don't know.)

2. I'll e-mail you back a confirmation and a prompt to login to your Paypal account, click on the "Send money" tab and type "advice@swstyletherapy.com" in the "To" box, and "40.00" in the "Amount" box.


I can hear it now. Some of you are saying, "$40?! Style Therapist I can't afford $40." I know who you are. You're the same one who was in the club with that Forever 21 dress you only plan on wearing once. We've been over this. Cost per wear! I'm trying to save you time and money in the future. From the bottom of my heart, I want you to always bring your A-game. Bring your A-game to pick up milk at the bodega. Bring your A-game to work. Bring your A-game to meet the parents. Bring your A-game because you know you're worth it! And the most efficient way to sartorial self-discovery is through a Star Style Guide.

I don't claim to see into your future like Miss Cleo or read your energy like CB Walker, but I can guarantee you the best wardrobe specifically for you! If we don't have sartorial synergy, we're basically a walking, steaming, sweltering hot mess.

Style Therapy Video of the Day (Chas Jankel Week): Ai No Corrida

Deal or No Deal

In the midst of the R word (if you have to ask, you're doing okay), retailers has been bending over backwards to accommodate thinner wallets. Saks Fifth Avenue knocked 75% off of their high end items. But come bill time at the end of the month, indulging in these deals can get us into trouble.

A lot of folks will look at a pair of $895 Loubies at Bergdorf's and keep on walking. For some it's a month's rent; for others, a student loan payment. Even for the people who call that sum mere pocket change, it's difficult for them to justify spending that type of loot during this period of economic uncertainty. Put the same pair of pumps on the cluttered shelves of a Loehmann's or Century 21 and drop that price to around $200, and things change significantly.

$200 is an entirely different ballgame. It's still a lot of money to a lot of people (cable bill, a couple of phone bills, the proverbial student loan payment), but it's a number that's easier to digest than $895...which is almost $1,000 once you throw in taxes. The rationalization starts even before we see if the shoe fits. A whole week without happy hour and abstaining from take-out should cover the bill, right? Of course, that's never the case and we simply incur more debt. We go out to happy hour showing off our deal and receive the delivery man at our door in the new Loubies. We barely make the minimum payment on the credit card we charged the shoes on. As we pore over the unopened bills, we think only God (or a big-hearted sugar daddy) can deliver us from this mess. I can't stress how many CLOSET DETOXES I've performed that have involved deals; this includes clients' wardrobes as well as my own.

For the time being, we'd better start listening to Suze and start paying down the principle on our cards. Most of us have the essentials in our closet already—or at least a working wardrobe. And for those of you who don't, you know it's time for a CAPSULE COLLECTION! Hey, I have to plug. I'm trying to pay down my debt, too!

Trench(es) Warfare

Last night, at 1:30 in the morning, I began to try on my trench coats and quasi trenchcoats. I had no plans to go out and streak or anything of that nature. I wear clothing underneath my outerwear. I was simply analyzing why these long coats were just okay and not exactly what I wanted in a trench.

I've been chasing this trench dream for about seven years now. It first started when I saw a Yohji Yamamoto coat in either Elle or Harper's Bazaar. It was marvelously structured with molded shoulders and sleeves that bent inwards at the elbow. I wasn't able to afford it because my funds were tied up in my offshore accounts (read: I was broke). I ripped out the magazine page and saved the picture. In fact, I still have it.

Then one day I was perusing the aisles of Beacon's Closet in my old Williamsburg neighborhood. After some digging and breath holding, I stumbled upon a classic Burberry mackintosh for $49. This is back when Beacon's was quite cheap. I thought the coat was overpriced and figured I could get it for less money in a matter of time. That was six years ago and I've been on a quest to find the perfect trench ever since.

Now I own 5 trenches or quasi-trenches that do their job, but weren't quite what I was looking for when I acquired them. With every purchase I thought, "This is the one." But it never was. A collarless DKNY zip up with a cinched paperbag waist is cute. I wear it often, but Lord knows it's not what I had in mind. A perfectly acceptable Theory coat is a real trench in that it has the right collar, properly placed buttons, a storm patch, and a belt. But it has no sleeve loop. What's that about? Then there's the taffeta (yes taffeta) Catherine Malandrino with the pimp collar and gypsy-print lining. Not very practical in the rain. There's also a BCBG jacket in this weird ecru color that fits like a dream...except the button panel on the left is awkwardly sewn, so it puckers a bit. The real show stopper is a Viktor & Rolf (no, not from their H & M line-we've been over this before) black number that screams Matrix. It's a beautiful coat with every trenchy element...and then some. If I wear the collar up (as I'm prone to do), I end up looking like Count Chocula. And De Heer Horsting and De Heer Snoeren could have made the belt a tad longer.

I know all of you current and future clients are asking, "Style Therapist, why haven't you purged those jackets during your quarterly CLOSET DETOXES?" The short answer is that they're all good jackets and like my old boss would advise, I'm making them work. They look good on and serve a purpose. One is worn on mild, rainy days, another on sunny, warmer days, one's for dressier affairs; etc.

The truth is, if I tally the price for each of these facsimiles, I would have been able to purchase the real deal Burberry several times over...or maybe even a beautiful Yohji Yamamoto. I ask that you learn from my lesson of settling. If there's something you really want and your funds are tied up overseas, create a saving plan and purchase it; otherwise you'll be spending lots of money and time (and closet space) on items that don't measure up.

Birthday Wish/Birthday Present

Birthdays only come once a year, so it's imperative that the wishes made are important ones. It is my wish that you all bring your A-game: when you go to the bodega for a quart of milk, when you have a presentation before the board of trustees, and when you bump into your crush at Danceteria. Despite the recession, there are options.

If you were born between January 20 and February 18, you get Aquarius 30% discount off of a CLOSET DETOX—a phenomenal deal that Oprah, Jennifer Anniston, and Christie Brinkley can utilize. If you fall under the other eleven astrological signs, no need to fret. There's the popular CAPSULE COLLECTION service that many people have found incredibly helpful. With a wardrobe foundation, the possibilities are endless. We've all brought our C-game long enough. The C-game is average. It's the year of the ox. It's time to be above average!

New Service for 2009: $10 CAPSULE COLLECTION

For most of you, this is your first day back at work. You've eaten a lot of treats, downed some sauce, and danced the jig, jit, and dutty wine. What most of you haven't done is worked on bringing your A-game. You still have the same closet with the same ratio: you wear 20% of your clothing 80% of the time.

On January 20, Barack Obama will be sworn in as our forty-fourth president. His platform is change. You need to make that yours as well. The start of a new year brings with it a time of purging the old. That includes those MC Hammer pants you STILL haven't gotten rid of. Every time you reach for them to throw them out, they mutter, "Can't touch this."

I have a new service for those of you who need quick and inexpensive advice. Some of you are saying "$10?! I can't spend $10 on some advice!" Your other therapist gets $100 an hour to listen to you talk about yourself. I'm helping you for a lot less than that. Those daily lunches with your coworkers cost in excess of $10. What are you left with? Some good gossip, yes, but for the most part, indigestion, gas and an angry boss because you took more than an hour.

With a CAPSULE COLLECTION, I'll give you all the fundamental pieces you need in a wardrobe in order to bring your A-game. All of the suggestions I e-mail to you will be live on various e-commerce sites at the time you receive the collection. If you wait too long, sale items may have already sold out. Also, keep in mind people, these are just suggestions. If you don't have the capital now, simply use my advice as a guideline for when you do. New mommies, you really need to consider this. You may not have the time for a CLOSET DETOX, but at least this way, you still have access to STYLE THERAPY.

Here's what the CAPSULE COLLECTION service consists of:

1. Log on to your Paypal account, click on the "Send money" tab and type "advice@swstyletherapy.com" in the "To" box, and "10.00" in the "Amount" box.

2. E-mail me at simone@swstyletherapy.com with a color headshot and full-body of yourself. I need to see your figure/physique, as well as your coloring to determine the best silhouettes, patterns, fabrics and colors for you. Also include some information about yourself to give me an idea about your lifestyle. It can range from what you do for a living to your favorite designers and places to shop.

3. Due to the high volume of queries, responses may take up to 12 hours, but I'll get them to you as quickly as possible. Client satisfaction guaranteed!

An Open Letter to Parents: Please Stop Buying Your Adult Children Clothes

Dear Parents,

Please stop buying your adult children clothing. Not just during the holidays, but in general. You seem to think you and your children share not only the same personal taste, but also the same size. Especially you baby boomers; I want you to cut it out!

Chances are, your offspring's sartorial preferences are so diametrically opposed to yours, you might as well be on two different planets. Of course the thought is appreciated...kind of, but a gift card will be appreciated a thousand times more. Your adult children are not your contemporaries. While they may be able to relate to you as they mature, the parent-child dynamic hasn't changed.

Dads, stop trying to force pleats and church (or temple or mosque) shoes onto your sons. Moms, your daughter's are just not into the holiday sweater thing. And if you read the previous post, you would know this. I'm not done with you yet, moms (as you hold most of the purchasing power in your household). Your sons are not husbands. Just because you bought your husband that golf shirt, it does not mean that your Williamsburg-dwelling son needs one, too. I don't care if it's a two-for-one sale.

I'm sorry to be so acerbic parents, but it needs to be said. Money and electronics are always the way to go. Trust. I can't begin to tell you how many Closet Detoxes are comprised of items you bought your kids that they have never worn. You've wasted money and they've got dead energy in their wardrobes. How about a Freaks and Geeks DVD collection? Or What's Happening!! on disc. Get the second season, it has the Doobie Brothers two-parter. And no child would be mad at you for getting them a flat screen.

If you MUST, if you absolutely INSIST on buying them clothes 1)You're not listening to me and 2)You still think your kid needs you to buy them new clothes for "school". It helps you feel validated and wanted.

It's time to let go. They don't love you any less. You've (hopefully) raised them to be independent, upstanding citizens. They will never admit to you how much they hate the oversize fleece you bought them, so I'm telling you. You can make it up to them by purchasing the aforementioned DVD collections. You (and they) will be happy you did.

Warmest regards,
Your Style Therapist

Dear Style Therapist: Can I Keep My Velour Suit?

Dear Style Therapist,
I am in love with my velour jump suit. I wear it around my apartment when it's cold but I dare not wear it out in public. What are your opinions on wearing velour jumpsuits outside my home... in public. Do you suggest I purchase a regular cotton jumpsuit instead?

Thank you,
MAB on Long Island


Thanks for writing MAB. I'm an advocate of wearing whatever you want around your house...providing that it's not a sweatshirt, fleece, or velour jumpsuit. A velour jumpsuit is like marijuana. It's the gateway "drug" of the sartorial world. It can lead to stronger (read: worse) substances (read: clothes) in your closet. And while you say there is no way you'd wear it outside of your house, that's the same thought process of a lot of crackheads. No one sets out to become a crackhead. It gradually happens.

I propose a good replacement is a denim and sweater jacket/cardigan combo. If you believe this is too formal for indoors, I think you should completely separate your school clothes from your play clothes. Approach your lounging clothes as a time to pamper yourself in luxurious fabrics for maximum comfort. After all, there's no way you'd run an errand in a silk caftan.


SWEATERS

1. Cable-knit jacket

2. Tie-waist sweater

3. Cardigan coat

4. Shawl cardigan


DENIM

1. Skinny jean

2. Tight jeans

3. Skimmer skinny jeans

4. Classic flare


LOUNGEWEAR

1. Paisley caftan

2. Peacock caftan


My point is you could easily be caught outside of your house with your velour on. A caftan is more extreme (and more comfortable), which means you'd think twice before exiting. When you're on the road, you should always, ALWAYS try to look sharp. Velour suits have contributed to our overall sloppiness. Bare midriffs, exposed thongs—not to mention they're not the most flattering things. If the caftan idea is too mystical, and you insist on keeping your velour, I suggest you do something to it that will make it impossible to wear your fuzzy suit in public. Say an Elmo applique?

Dear Style Therapist: Are Hats Indoors Okay?

Dear Style Therapist,

After reading your last blog “messy hair only works for trolls”, I found myself thinking about the many ways I try to mask a bad hair day. One of my go-to’s is the slouchy knit hat—you know, the one you would wear on a cold day. Lately I’ve seen many girls resorting to this trick but it does look quite as flattering.

What is you opinion on wearing a knit hat indoors and as an accessory? Can it be chic or do I just look like a person trying to cover up a bad hair with what my friends describe as a “toilet bowl cleaner”

Sincerely,

Bad Hair Day in Queens

Dear BH,

Indoor tam or knit hat wearing isn't a crime in and of itself; but if poorly styled, you could be mistaken for a bag lady. It's also akin to wearing your coat inside. You're apt to get the old cliche suggestion of "Stay a while." I'm going to err on the side of keeping it as a means of keeping your head warm rather than masking unkempt hair. Here are some alternatives for BHD (Bad Hair Days) during all seasons:

1. An updated fedora
2. An updated fedora with a bow
3. A classic Kangol
4. A silk scarf à la Jackie Kennedy Onassis

And there's always putting in some product and sleeking your hair back for a sharp, low ponytail. You don't always have to cover up.

*Bonus option*

New Service: advice@swstyletherapy.com

Not everyone is able to afford a Closet Detox or Wardrobe Renovation. And with the current state of affairs, people who were able to before, aren't necessarily able to now. But is that going to stop me from spreading the Style Therapy doctrine? Negative.

I've devised a democratic program that will hopefully reach the masses. For a small fee of $1.99 (paid through Paypal first), anyone can write to me directly with a style conundrum and get professional advice.

Some time ago, a friend of mine purchased a pair of Mary Poppins boots on sale. There's nothing wrong with Mary Poppins boots if your mode of transportation is an open umbrella. There was such a pronounced disconnect between my friend and the shoes, that she never wore them. They didn't suit her personality, nor her style. They went with absolutely nothing in her closet and took up space under her desk at work for months. She tried to pawn them off on on eBay to someone else many times. It took a while, but someone eventually relieved her of the boot burden. As you all know, I'm not a fan of holding onto anything you don't wear. She sold the brand new, designer boots for a lot less than she paid; but it was better than them sitting in her closet unused. She said she would have rather spent $1.99 to get my objective advice than be out of several hundred dollars.

For less than the price of your daily coffee, you're able to get unbiased feedback from a trained professional. Not sure what to wear on a job interview? Meeting the in-laws for the first time? Blind date? Or do you have something in your closet that you never wear and are clueless as to why. Make your coffee at home and send me your concerns, because my office is officially open to the public! Please see the steps below:

1. Log on to your Paypal account, click on the "Send money" tab and type "advice@swstyletherapy.com" in the "To" box, and "1.99" in the "Amount" box. Remember, one fee per image/query. If you have more than one image/query, please issue the correct amount (2 @ 3.98, 3 @ 5.97, or the special offer package: 10 for $15)

2. Send an e-mail to advice@swstyletherapy.com with any style issue you have. Although an accompanying image is preferred, it's not required. I'll e-mail a response with detailed suggestions and thorough advice.

3. Due to a high volume of queries, responses may take up to 12 hours. If I think your problem is a common one and our e-mail exchange is able to benefit more people, I'll ask your permission to post our conversation on this blog with or without your image(s). If you want the exchange to remain private, no worries.

***If you've got exceptional style, you'll be in the running for Style Therapy Hero of the Week. Of course I'll ask for your permission before posting your image.***