Stop GAWSH Now!!

Admittedly, I'm one of the most ornery people on the planet. The littlest things drive me insane. McDonald's Duo and Pizza Fiend. And don't forget all of the PAOs. There's no time like the present to add yet another egregious act: Grown A** Women Stroking Hair (GAWSH). I've only begun to notice this in 2008 as an epidemic.

I remember back in junior high, a girl and I were on the outs with a mutual friend. So as females do, and continue to do well into adulthood, we started talking about the other girl behind her back. The girl, who I'll refer to as Amy, told me that our mutual friend, who I'll call Twirl-a-Girl, spent the night at her house over the weekend. They had a minor disagreement over nothing at all. However, it had upset Twirl-a-Girl so much that she sat up the entire night twirling her hair. Now this was back in 1990, when perms were rampant. The year before, in grade 6, Twirl-a-Girl had gotten a perm. A year later she had failed to get a retouch and the roots were growing in. But due to her nervous habit, Twirl-a-Girl had ingeniously maintained her curls!

In any case, I'm sure today her hair twirling and stroking continues on. But she's always done that, so I can't be mad at her. However, this new batch is out of control. Whether they're walking down the street, on the train reading a book, or speaking to another person, there they are with the most vacant expressions on their faces, stroking, stroking, stroking. Hair twirling can be flirtatious, and even achieve results (like Twirl-a-Girl's perm maintenance). But hair stroking?

What bothers me the most is how stupid, vapid, insipid (and other words ending in "id" that I can't think of right now) these women look. They're not gaining anything out of the stroking. Often, the hair ends up looking ratty and ravaged. Why not (like a proper lady), find a powder room and run a comb or brush through it quickly. The great Marsha Brady brushed her hair 100 times. That's dedication. Hair stroking on the subway can be viewed as public grooming, and for that, it's officially a Style Therapy no no.

Driving the Point Home

It's no secret that public application of makeup is a big Style Therapy no-no. Of course, the quick swipe of lip gloss or Chapstick is permissible. I thought the woman with the eyelash curler on the subway platform was bad, but today was by far the most egregious account to date. Naturally, I was on the L train. This is the same train where I tried to escape the McDonald's Duo only to be met by the Pizza Fiend. I was peering out of my periphery, trying desperately not to look directly at today's offender, because I knew I'd be grossed out.

This woman had the unmitigated audacity to whip out her concealer and start dabbing the bags underneath her eyes. Once again, I was incredulous. I thought I'd seen it all with the eyelash curler, but the lady today really took it to the next level. Typically, Public Application Offenders (PAO) wipe on some foundation, blush, MAYBE eyeshadow, and finally, lipstick. Never, in my life, have I seen CONCEALER applied. The whole point of it is to look like you don't have bags under your eyes. It's akin to doing your comb-over or stuffing your bra in public. The illusion is gone.

But the concealer wasn't the only thing. You know that trick that some women do with the highlighter in the corner of the eyes? It's supposed to make your eyes look brighter. However, it just looks like you put highlighter there to make your eyes look brighter; like there's random white stuff in the corners. It's something best left to the professionals. But, there she went. She did yet another trick that's supposed to be a secret in public. We know that mascara is not a secret. Neither is lipstick. But concealer and eye highlighter are supposed to be kept under wraps.

Several hours later, I'm still confused as to what kind of person would do that. Isn't there a better way to get attention? Breakdancing or singing doowop on a moving train are far better ways to get attention...more respectable, too.