Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The New Crackhead: Crack Really Is Whack

Remember my little visit to the Armory Show with the loutish and oafish gallerists from around the world? Well, I'm afraid I neglected to include a new trend I began to notice there. It may not even be a new trend per se, but it wasn't until then that I really got a good look at it. The context was different than walking down a random street. I expected people to be dressed comfortably for all of the walking around, but with some degree of refinement. We're looking at art, right?

Apparently, I'm an old fart who takes sartorial practices and manners a little too seriously. Speaking of flatulence, this "new" trend has to do with the posterior. It has come to my attention that it's now acceptable to show one's crack when seated. No longer the domain of the bent-over/squatting plumber, the exposed crack is essentially southern cleavage.

The Armory Show's seated visitors aren't the only ones with vertical lines on full display. Restaurants, stadium bleachers, and park benches all play host to the new crackhead.

People, people, people (shaking head). Come on. This lowrise business has not only created muffin tops but butt cracks free in the breeze. I know those of you who indulge in this vulgar practice can feel the air. It's not from ignorance. You feel it! For one, the daily high temperatures are still relatively low. Let's not even talk about how incredibly sloppy this look is. It's even crossed over to celebrities and lad mags. Cracks are not sexy! What happened to A-game and neatness counting? Pun coming up...we've got to draw the line somewhere.

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