Thursday, March 19, 2009
My beautiful people, there's nothing more un-stylish than a sour mood accompanied by a screwface. For you Secret believers out there, you know all it takes is a mood shifter to elevate our spirits. A mood shifter can be anything from a scent that takes us back to happier place, a food that heightens are tastebuds, or a detailed image that puts a smile on our face. For me, it's usually the thought of a late 1980s heavy metal band comprised of drunk basset hounds. But for others, it could be one of the Macho Man's appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show. Below is a list of videos/songs that always work out any bad kink in my mood. If these don't work on you, you may need to see a professional.
1. I'm Ready-Kano: Keep an eye out for Diane and Lumberjack at 1:17.
2. Disco Bambina-Heather Parisi: The song is absurd and her Italian is questionable—and that's rich coming from me and my one pathetic semester of studying the language—but it's earned the right to be on this list.
3. Basset Hound Puppies: If this doesn't erase your screwface, there aren't enough meds in the world to cure you of your ills.
4. A Basset is an Asset: Yes, another basset hound video. How this hasn't penetrated the Billboard Hot 100 is a mystery to me. They ride motorbikes, too (2:17).
5. Rubberband-The Spinners: These guys knew how to perform. Now this is showbiz. Talk about A-game! A powder blue tux with ruffles never looked so good.
6. Jim Gillette's Scream: You don't have to be a metal head to appreciate this man's vocal range.
7. Macho Man on Arsenio Hal: Find out what the difference is between MachoMadness and Hulkamania. It'll change your life.
8. What's Up With You: Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy: I don't recall this video from its debut in the early 90s. A friend introduced it to me just last year. It's simultaneously disturbing and heart-warming.
9. Children's Palace Commercial: Peter Panda has the same effect on me as the What's Up With You video.
10. Shake It Up Tonight: Aside from the basset hounds, this puts me in the most stellar mood. Do you see young people? You do not need to grind on each other at the club in order to have a good time.