Friday, April 10, 2009

Lovey Dovey is Yucky Yucky: Get a Room!

Love is in the air, but in a rather polluted form. The other day I was waiting for the train to come and I witnessed some of the most egregious attentionwhoritis I'd see in a while. There was a young couple who seemed more in love with the attention they were receiving than with each other. The female had on a bright fuchsia bubble jacket (look at me! look at me!) with an equally bright purple purse. Her brown hair was streaked in orange and black stripes. And she finished off her look with black tights and well-worn Uggs. Her man was wearing quiet, muted colors. His dirty blond hair was as flavorless as his moss-colored parka.

What made this duo spectacularly annoying was her bizarre habit of picking him. She was a petite young woman and he was more of a lanky beanstalk, so she barely got him off of the ground. But she kept trying and trying and where she was trying is what made this couple so unbearable. These two goons were smack in the middle of the platform, so passersby had to be quite strategic if they wanted to maneuver around them. While girlfriend picked up boyfriend, boyfriend was looking around to see who was enjoying their lighthearted love. It wasn't a look of embarrassment. It read more like, "Aren't we cute in love?" No sir, you two are repugnant.

Back on Valentine's Day, again I was on a train, this time it was the L—you know how that goes. The Admiral and I were sitting down after a lovely (but not too mushy) day. Standing over us was a young lady with her ironically (or sincerely) unkempt boyfriend. She was kissing on him and he was kissing on her. In her hands she gripped one of those pitiful roses wrapped in cellophane. That's not what was offensive. Her goon of a boyfriend and I were facing off in a staring contest. I'm not sure if he 1) wanted me to see how great of a boyfriend he was for giving his girlfriend a lone, pitiful rose wrapped in cellophane, 2) wanted me to join in, or 3) was suffering from a bad case of attentionwhoritis. I hope he read in my face that I thought he was a gross, damn fool.

This past Wednesday I was on a rush hour train with an equally annoying couple. Again, it was the male who was committing the majority of the egregious acts. First of all, we're supposed to do our best to "stand clear of the doors." The train was crowded, but not that crowded where one couldn't grab onto a pole. This couple glued themselves to the doors and whispered and forehead kissed and pinched and tickled and giggled for all of us to see. The young man attempted to make eye contact with several people as this foolishness was going on. Your poor Style Therapist was one of the victims. I hope my visceral reaction was enough to show him that I thought he and his lady were whackadoodles.

My point isn't to knock young love, it's to bring light to how gross it is to have an intimate moment in a public place and then scan the area to see who's looking! Parents, please give your children attention so they don't grow up to be adults with acute cases of attentionwhoritis. Then they become society's problem.

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