Tuesday, December 30, 2008

An Open Letter to Parents: Please Stop Buying Your Adult Children Clothes

Dear Parents,

Please stop buying your adult children clothing. Not just during the holidays, but in general. You seem to think you and your children share not only the same personal taste, but also the same size. Especially you baby boomers; I want you to cut it out!

Chances are, your offspring's sartorial preferences are so diametrically opposed to yours, you might as well be on two different planets. Of course the thought is appreciated...kind of, but a gift card will be appreciated a thousand times more. Your adult children are not your contemporaries. While they may be able to relate to you as they mature, the parent-child dynamic hasn't changed.

Dads, stop trying to force pleats and church (or temple or mosque) shoes onto your sons. Moms, your daughter's are just not into the holiday sweater thing. And if you read the previous post, you would know this. I'm not done with you yet, moms (as you hold most of the purchasing power in your household). Your sons are not husbands. Just because you bought your husband that golf shirt, it does not mean that your Williamsburg-dwelling son needs one, too. I don't care if it's a two-for-one sale.

I'm sorry to be so acerbic parents, but it needs to be said. Money and electronics are always the way to go. Trust. I can't begin to tell you how many Closet Detoxes are comprised of items you bought your kids that they have never worn. You've wasted money and they've got dead energy in their wardrobes. How about a Freaks and Geeks DVD collection? Or What's Happening!! on disc. Get the second season, it has the Doobie Brothers two-parter. And no child would be mad at you for getting them a flat screen.

If you MUST, if you absolutely INSIST on buying them clothes 1)You're not listening to me and 2)You still think your kid needs you to buy them new clothes for "school". It helps you feel validated and wanted.

It's time to let go. They don't love you any less. You've (hopefully) raised them to be independent, upstanding citizens. They will never admit to you how much they hate the oversize fleece you bought them, so I'm telling you. You can make it up to them by purchasing the aforementioned DVD collections. You (and they) will be happy you did.

Warmest regards,
Your Style Therapist

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